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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, probably understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Over the years, quite a few in her circle have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I try to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, however, my input not welcomed. She purely solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently ended 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Next involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Consider your friend has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot release since their identity depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react this way and then think on your words. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction from having been honest with her.